Aim to call out just one piece of evidence for your self worth, daily. More than your professional life, your social life directly impacts your self esteem. Depression makes it difficult to connect with friends, or to get out in the first place. You may not even enjoy doing the things you used to with loved ones, which leaves you feeling more broken. And since you know yourself best, your self-hatred feels universal to everyone in your life.
They do see you. They love you and probably wish you could feel more comfortable proudly flying your flag. Self-esteem comes from an evidence-building feedback loop — incidentally the same type of loop that can bring you out of depression.
Tiny interactions can be those small steps. There are few better self esteem reality checks, than chatting with folks who have felt this way too. Chat now, here. When you open up to the people you trust, and they are there to support you emotionally , you begin to feel connected again. Only you can heal you, but having someone hold you while you do that… that is a great gift. Trust that you are on a self discovery journey and will continue to be. You are growing and evolving into a healthier self-awareness.
Try to jot down some notes about:. You can also simply reflect for a few moments on the events of the day. Regardless of how you go about unpacking your day, try to keep an eye out for any common threads or patterns that might help you identify what triggers your negative thoughts.
When this happens, try having an internal conversation with yourself. Standing up to your own thoughts can feel daunting.
Imagine them coming in and stopping those negative or challenging those negative thoughts. When the self-hatred thoughts come, stop, take a breath, and say out loud one of the items from your list.
Learn more about the benefits of positive self-talk and how to build it into your daily routine. Reframing is a therapy technique that can be used to address negative thoughts and self-hatred.
It might involve thinking upsides of a bad situation or considering a frustration in a new light. However you decide to try it, reframing is about training your brain to find and focus on the positive. This helps the negativity not feel so overwhelming or permanent. After all, messing up one work presentation is only one instance — and it means you can do better next time.
Self-hatred can make you want to isolate. Or you might feel like no one even wants to be around you. Connecting with others is a huge part of our mental well-being because social interaction helps us to feel better about ourselves.
If you are filled with feelings of self-hatred, you know how frustrating they can be. Not only does self-hatred limit what you can achieve in life, but it also worsens mental health conditions such as anxiety and depression. Below are some of the tell-tale signs that you might be living with self-hatred, beyond having occasional negative self-talk. If those signs sounded all too familiar, you're probably wondering why you hate yourself and how you ended up here. Below are some possible causes to consider.
It's important to remember that not everyone who experiences self-hatred will have had the same life experiences. There is no singular path that leads to thinking, "I hate myself.
If you are thinking "I hate myself," chances are that you have a negative inner critic who constantly puts you down. This critical voice might compare you to others or tell you that you are not good enough. These thoughts may leave you feeling like an outcast or a fraud when you are with other people. The inner critic is like a frenemy who is intent on undermining your success.
This voice in your head is filled with self-hate, and can also evolve into paranoia and suspiciousness if you listen long enough. The following are some things your inner critic might say:. If you have a voice in your head like this, you might come to believe that these types of critical thoughts are the truth. If the voice tells you that you are worthless, stupid, or unattractive, you might eventually come to believe those things.
The more you listen to that critical inner voice, the more power you give to it. In addition, you might eventually start to project your own insecurities onto other people, leaving you paranoid, suspicious, and unable to accept love and kindness. If this sounds like you, then chances are that you have been listening to your negative inner critic for far too long.
Where does that negative inner critic come from? Rather, most often, the negative inner critic arises from past negative life experiences. These could be childhood experiences with your parents, bullying from peers, or even the outcome of a bad relationship.
Did you grow up with parents who were critical of you? Or did you have a parent who seemed to be stressed, angry, or tense, and who made you feel as though you needed to walk on eggshells? If so, you may have learned to be quiet and fade into the background.
Childhood experiences or trauma such as abuse , neglect, being over-controlled, or being criticized can all lead to the development of a negative inner voice. Not all critical inner voices begin during childhood. If you were in a relationship or friendship with someone who engaged in the same types of behaviors, the experience could also have created a negative inner voice.
This could even include a work relationship with a co-worker or supervisor with a tendency to put you down or make you feel inferior. Any type of relationship has the potential to set a negative tone in your mind and create a negative inner voice that's hard to shake. Were you the victim of bullying in school, at work , or in another relationship? Even transient relationships with people can create lasting memories that impact your self-concept and affect your self-esteem.
If you find yourself having flashback memories of seemingly insignificant events with bullies from your past or present, it could be that the experience has had a long-lasting effect on your mind.
If your negative inner voice replays the words of your real-life bullies, you have some deeper work to do to release those thoughts rather than internalize them.
I sit in the hallways during lunch when everyone else is talking to their friends. I hear people say pretty mean things about me too. I lie too. I tell people that I have lots of friends. I tell people that I love being alone. And really, I hate it. I hate it so much. It feels like I just want to go up to someone, anyone, and talk. I truthfully hate the person that I have become. One of the things that I hate about school is when they pick groups.
Thanks :. And if you ever want someone to talk to, feel free to send me an email. Hey, Pushin Im with you, even if im adult, i still scare of my parents. Anyway i choose to keep quiet instead of lie…. The first time i got F from bad behaviour, i didnot try to fix it, i didnot know how to fix it, i scared to reach out to parents, i ran away from teacher when she tried to let me fix it, i felt ashame of myself and scare of how the teacher will look at me or think of me…and time passed until last summer of graduating year.
I almost not graduated because of this subject. I cannot remember how it happened but lastly my father and i went to meet teacher together. They could remember only that they need to go to meet teacher and i almost not graduated but they cannot remember what i did wrong or even care anymroe about what i did and it just doesnot matter anymore.
Well, time passed, my parents forgive and forgot and i think your parents will be the same, they are too busy working.
Those bad grades or bad behaviors are not matter anymore. So, i suggest you to do like this when u face some trouble.
Please thinking of urself in future, maybe next week, next month, next year,next 10 year… how this trouble will affect ur life in those time, if u lie to ur parents make u hurt now, how it will affect u in next 10 years and how it will affect them.
Is there anyway to fix it. Did u try to says sorry to her yet? We had difference hobby but same way of thinking, i suppose. I totally envy young Thai nowaday that people have more openmind about manga, animation and games. Easier to find friends with same interest. If you are not happy with this group, try to join another one until you find one. Lastly, I love Kuudere and i consider that i am one, too. O So, try to love yourself and forgive yourself before you will lose 15 years like me.
I just try to practise to not hate myself now, too. Good Luck!! I am a fat ASS never been beautiful my whole life…….. Everybody says to me that I am good natued and I cook good and I am a good student but i dont see it because I hate my self……..
The thing is that I think that if anybody is going to marry me he is not going to be happy because of my appearence…….. I see a very dark and sad Life ahead of me………………May be its because I am very materialistic and i dont see good in people Idont know………………Please someone help me……………Sometimes I wonder why didn;t God make me like those perfect bimbos I wish I was Perfect and not self loathing and depressed for eating all the time…………. Help me Iam drowning.
I am No one bothers to tell us that there are far worse things in the world than being fat. Yet the burden of changing our bodies for the sake of appealing to men falls heavily on us women. I live in west Africa now. Here fat women are regarded as beautiful. I hope my poem helps you.
I realize now that whether I lose weight or not, I wills still live a happy life. This is a revolutionary thought. I am 19 female from India…. I am going through a hard time in my life…I wanted to become a doctor…. I loved the noble profession…. But from the very beginning i hated studies…. I had an internal hidden stress may be due to studies….
After completing my 12 class i dropped a year for competitive exam to get seat in medical college…. I am in relationship where my bf dominates me and never puts any effort into it…i wanna leave him bt he was my serious crush from childhood and now i got him after 7 years…. Hate my life..! The world and is way bigger than you can imagin and full of people you will never see.
People are there, and they are waiting to meet you. If you feel fat or lazy or fat and lazy go do somthing about it. If you want to change your life , Start today, tomorrow is not a day of the week. My heart has been super glued and duct taped and shattered over and over- but i am going to put it back to gether a keep on doing..
All you beautiful people are awsome and I love you all the same. Move your feet if you dont like what you see, and your veiw will change. I have friends but I have trouble trusting them, I rather keep problems my to myself.
So every night I cry and compare myself to a garbage, actually I feel like a garbage and I also wish that I was never born. Hi Anne… First of all, what a brave and courageous girl you are. Your feelings are entirely valid. But you have to know just how meaningful you are to this world. The past is gone. The past exists nowhere but in your mind. You are more than capable of forgiving your parents and loving yourself. Trust me, you are positively radiant. You shine!! You are NOT garbage.
You are worth so, so much. If you can, tell it to yourself every single day, without fail. You are worthy and beautiful and special and unique — and you were born for a reason!! Fulfill it whatever way your heart tells you. Love with as much of yourself as possible. Love people, your parents, everyone you walk past. Just feel your heart radiate as you go by. It might take some practice.
But never allow yourself to hate… You are more beautiful and special than anything hate can offer…. You can just sit or lie down, and then focus on your breathing. Feel what it feels like to simply breathe and be alive. Anne, Accepting the past is difficult. There are many events in my life that I cannot explain why they happened. I try to look at reality. The truth that Jesus Christ did what he did and that the creator of all loves me no matter what, gives me peace and hope. We are eternal beings, here on earth for a short time.
Soon, our tears will be wiped away forever. Now is the time to make a difference for others! We should love our neighbors like ourselves. So, we should love ourselves, so we can love our neighbor. I feel the hurt in you and I love you, my neighbor. Thanks for your advice. Recently, i have been feeling so extremely low. From the ages of 11 to 22 roughly.
I was bullied all through school told i was worthless, ugly, scary, weird, smelly, you name it i was called it. Was always picked last for sports, tall, awkward, tried to hide my perceived ugliness in make up and often wore too much, which made the bullies pick on me even more they used to even hit me and pull my hair while calling me names like ugly witch…Once I left school I then got into a violent relationship with a guy 12 years older than me.
I was He hit me and called me all the names under the sun including the familiar ugly and stupid. Was with him nearly 3 years. Married at age 22 to another guy he is 10 years older. Still together but he is heartless and unloving sometimes. We have one daughter. I love her more then anything and she gives me reason to carry on. However she too, is now being bullied, by the children of the monsters that picked on me back in my high school days. Just yesterday they all picked on her, calling her ugly, fat, stupid, tramp, all the names I used to be called.
It hurt me incredibly and it made me ill all day today. Seeing my beautiful baby go through what I did makes me feel so horrible inside. I tell her how lovely she is and how she is worthy of so much love and respect…but I feel it will impact her life as it has mine.
Oh love, hearing your story makes my heart ache. I know that just like you, your daughter is sooooooo beautiful, too. Keep loving her and showing her what it means to love — including how to love herself!
That is the greatest defense we can cultivate and share with one another. Because if you have love, you have everything. Nothing else matters. I know how terrible the world can be… It can hurt you so badly. But only if you let it. Never let anyone or anything stop you from loving with all your heart.
Keep going. You, sitting right there, are absolutely gorgeous. I played varsity soccer and I was bench most of season and that brought my self esteem even lower. My grades are shit 2. I hate my life so bad.
Dont worry. You will be so successful, I am sure because you care about your succeed. I repeat it again dont worry, you will be a great man one day. Everyday at school is like a raging war of anxiety attacks. This and alot of unmentioned reasons are why I hate myself.
I disapline myself for popping pimples by locking myself in my room. I just needed a vent. Thanks to anyone who cared to listen. I will try to live a peaceful life. My mom passed away on September 19 of due to kidney cancer. She used to tell me that I was sorry , low down and that I would never amount to anything while she was alive. Basically she was telling me was that I was worthless.
Also , on the day my brother graduated from what was then , West Georgia College , I said to my dad that I would love to go to college. My dad replied , college , son you barely made it through highschool , there is no way that you could make it through college.
So basically my dad told me that I was stupid. Hi everyone, I too hate myself for a lot of things. Like one time a friend arranged that i got to their house, and her mum made food as well, but last minute i backed out. You are not horrible at all!! Not in the slightest!!
But trust me, we are our own worst enemies and critics. We can judge ourselves for the tiniest things that no one else even notices or cares about.
Just keep being yourself. You are absolutely beautiful and wonderful the way you are… truly… You say that you hate yourself because you lack organisation, commitment, and courtesy.
So do many of us! Ha ha. But in truth, those are things you can work on and improve at. You really can. One thing you can practice is doing lots of nice, altruistic things for other people. Your family, strangers, a teacher. You can even make a list. Everything counts. Buying a coffee for the person behind you in line at Starbucks counts! Take all the things you wish someone would do for you and do them for others.
Sometimes it takes a little getting beyond ourselves and our little worlds we create in order to feel connected and loved and meaningful. But we can do it. And you can do it, too. You are amazing!! You know im 12 and i look 15 or 16 and i am really tall but you know what? I have a great life, I have parents who love me more than they love theirselves, I have my smart sister who almost always knows every answers of my questions and always supports me in everything I do, I hv the best friends I could ever have in this world.
I have the perfect life anyone can have in my age, yet at the same time, I often feel that I hate myself. Every little mistakes that I made only make me hate myself more. I knew u would never work it out well!! I never told my parents abt this because I dont want them to worry. Thank you so muh for this article, it really opens my eyes to see that I dont need to damn myself and have negative thoughts abt myself for every little mistaks or imperfection that I make.
Hi m a 23 year old girl living in a conservative country. I m v beautiful n smart. I was a topper all through my life but still I feel empty.
My father is n abusive husband he has aIways dominated me n my mom. My entire childhood n still I feel DT m under a house arrest. My dad has controlled my life entirely. I was never allowed to go out or even talk to my guy cousins or make male friends. I was not allowed to even look at boys directly. I never made friends n dun believe in friendship cz everybody has hated my guts I was v pretty n intelligent n won every competition of drawing studies painting or beauty etc.
Which was y everyone hated me as I was perfect. Many guys now want me BT I was in 2 relationships n mind it dese r basically d only guys I hv talked to n befriended.
Both of them dominated me again. They dun allow me to make friends, extremely possessive n jealous. I m marrying one if them. My dad hates me cz I crossed d line BT accepted my bf cz he is from a v good family. So u can c d contradictions. Despite being perfect m feeling d same as above people. I hate my life n myself. I have tried to commit suicide twice. I dunno what I wanna do in my life.
Whatever career m pursuing its cz of d burden of being perfect. Its really boring. I always feel out of place n lonely. I think I m different n awkward. I think like a loser always as I never take compliments seriously though I hv been always getting them cz I think I dun deserve them. My bf whom I m supposed to get married to next year is a party animal n outgoing. I on d other hand m n introvert n very emotional. I dun drink or smoke hv always followed every god damn rule in my life.
Everybody thinks I m boring n belong to 19 the century. I recently failed in d toughest exam of my country. M completely destroyed n I need help. Cannot go to a doctor cz I dun hv money. Plz help me. Hi, I have struggled with self worth for 31 years.
I finally liked me. I was going to college. My husband cheated. Maybe I tried to compensate and never was completely healed and why I so easily fell back to these feelings. Wow… Honestly I found the comments rather depressing. I mean if they have nothing else to live for than putting other people down, then they are stuck, while we have a chance to fly. Yeah, I know, freaky right? Unnatural maybe? I still am. I mean I hated myself for a long time, for being different, but u know what?
These people that focus on putting others down will get nowhere in life, and secretly they know it. It s people like us, the freaks, geeks, and weirdos that will run this country, and have done so before.
I know that expressing yourself this way, venting as is, is overall good for you to get it of your chest, and help you let go of things. But at the end of the day, the only person that can change your life is you. Wauw I know the post is from ages ago. But for a seventeen year old I think your style of thinking is amazing. And though I am way older I really feal supported by your last sentence. Thank you so much for your post.
I hate posts like this. Starting off on that foot means that the rest of the article is also inapplicable to me and generally seems to be rephrasing CBT and making it look like some revolutionary technique credited to the Firestones alone, which could not be further from the truth. Hey, i rather not mention my name. I have experienced bullying from age Everyday these voices of the bullies haunt me day after day.
One day i finally found the perfect guy, i know it may sound strange coming from a 17 year old girl. I was myself around him , for once i felt like myself like i was free. So i ended up pushing him away. Today after reading this little article i realized i have to try to get the real me out, to try to get him back, and to leave the negative me behind.
It may be a struggle to do but thanks to you i believe it can be done. Excellent article. I would like to point out, though, that people can boost those positive or negative feelings. The only thing that brings me back to life and helps me feel relaxed with people is alcohol. I feel content with alcohol and I can have a laugh and connect with people — no problems.
My parents have never shown much love, mainly disapline and money orientated. If my parents brought me up the way they did and this is what I am because of it, then I guess this is what I have to man up and face. I have to admit this article has got me thinking that maybe I am not the only one with that destructive inner voice problem.
Thanks for putting that worry out of my mind. Besides the article, the comments have helped me immensely to realise that it is okay to have these problems in the first place as long as you fight it and not drown in despair.
They refused to acknowledge the problems I had with myself brushing it aside as attention seeking behavior. As a result I had stopped confiding in my mom who used to be my bestie as I used to and kept of my problems to my self. But in reality this only seemed to be fodder to the inner critic and the self loathing escalated.
This kept me from making friends as well in fear of being perceived as damaged. But finally I am in a place where I no longer withhold my problems if I have any. I open up to my best friends thankfully I have made three even if I still have difficulties with my parents. Thank you. I am saddened to learn so many of you are self loathing out there.
I am 31 years old, have a job, an apartment and a wonderful fiance. I happen to be pretty and thin and most people accept me at this point. I too have been bullied through out elementary and middle school. Those experiences resulted in extreme social anxiety.
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